Hate
by Kodaa
Summary: Grimmjow's dying and thinking of all the things he wished he had told Ichigo. Character death. Mild shounen-ai. Flames an' reviews are SO welcome.


**A/N: Oooh, I really liek how this turned out! Hope you enjoy it~!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach...at all... ;_; ... **

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I sit in the pouring rain. Thunder is crackling through the barren area. Lightning illuminates the sky. I don't see it, though. I can't hear it. I can only feel the hard rain pounding down on my head. I know I'm bleeding, but I don't care if I die. Not tonight.

I shudder, putting my head on my knees and laying flat in the puddle of my own blood. I like the feel of the rain. It feels cold on my already freezing skin. It makes me feel like I'm not so alone. It washes away the warm blood. I prefer this. I hate my own blood. I hate myself.

I hear you, coming my way. I sense you walking towards me. I feel your emotions. They are ignorant of my pain. They don't know how hurt I am. I hate them. I hate you. You're weary of me. I know you are. You're afraid of what I can do to you, and it makes me smile. It makes me think I matter to you. But I don't, so I regress.

I don't bother to move as you get closer. You've taken my dignity, already. You've beaten me. You've made my heart weak. You ruined me. You should see what you've done. I want you to enjoy watching me die.

This is your fault. I hate what you've turned me into. I hate how I couldn't stop your 'friends' from tearing me apart. I hate how I couldn't bring myself to touch them. I hate how that made them laugh. I hate them. You know I do, right? They turned you into a prude, ya know? They should have let you fight and kill like you wanted to. You needed to. You're more beautiful when you do, Soul Reaper.

I wish you could hear me. You're only a little while away now. I know you can't hear me, but I don't care, so I keep thinking of you. Admitting everything I've kept locked up within my mind. I want you to know. Too bad you don't care.

I always wanted to beat you. I wouldn't have killed you. I just wanted to beat you and show you that I existed. I wanted to take you and keep you all for myself. Ever since we first met. I've always wanted you to know my name. I wanted you to fear it…I wanted to mean more to you than them.

I accepted you immediately without bias, you know. _Unlike them_. I didn't think less of you, even though you were a human. I knew you were _better _than the others. I wanted to tell you that, too.

I wanted to tell you that those reapers shouldn't matter to you. That they wouldn't stick around forever like I would. I wanted to say that you were too trusting. And too nice. I wanted to say that as much as I hated you for that, I loved it about you.

I wanted to tell you that you were the first-and only-thing I ever loved. I wanted you to know that I spent months trying to figure out what that feeling was. I wish you had known that I always tried to deny it, too. I sheathed it in hate.

I wanted to call you an idiot for actually believing it was just hate. I wanted to tell you that people didn't save people they hated, and they weren't near that possessive of them. If I hated you, I wouldn'tt have cared, right?

You walk up to me. You just see me lying there, and immediately your run over to me, curious, I suppose.

You look down at me now, your eyes wide. But, though I'm dying on the ground, you still think I'm gonna hurt you. You take a fighting position, your eyes loathing. They burn me, and leave my eyes feeling a bit wetter than they should be, "Grimmjow." you hiss out.

I look up at you. I want to smirk, but my face is numb. I settle for a grimace. "Hey, Soul Reap-…Hey, Ichigo." I croak out, my words empty and cold. Probably cause I'm freezing. I can't call you 'soul reaper', though. It doesn't feel right.

"Why are you here?" you demand harshly, your eyes a smoldering amber. I love your eyes, Ichigo. But, I hate that they are always accusing me of things. I wince.

"I just felt like bleeding to death in the middle of your town, I guess." I try to sound cocky and sarcastic, but it just sounds broken. "I hate your friends, Kurosaki…" I add.

You at me like I'm speaking a foreign language, "What…?" Your gaze is narrow, and it makes me shudder. I wish you wouldn't look like that. Just for a minute. Even a second. I want to see you smile as I die.

"Your. Friends. Killed. Me." I admit. I'm too tired to lie. I just want to sleep…but I force my eyes open to look at my beautiful berry. I need to stay awake…

You just stare down at me. You don't move, and I think you're going to walk away. I wish you wouldn't, though.

Then, you fall to your knees in front of me, looking down into my eyes with a fierce, disbelieving glare. I see tears in your eyes, but I think I'm hallucinating. The world is getting so fuzzy…

"You're lying." you whisper, your voice is cracking, and it's making me confused. "They didn't do this to you. They wouldn't. They _couldn't. _You're Grimmjow, remember? The Sexto. An Espada. You can beat anyone. You'll kill anyone before they do this to you. You…You don't die, Grimmjow. You can't. It's not possible." you chant. More tears are in your eyes and they're falling into my wounds, mingling with the rain and my blood. It stings, but I just look up at you.

I somehow find myself chuckling weakly, making my cuts ache and burn like hell, but this is just too impossible. "Sorry….Ichi…I've…let ya down, on this, I guess…I can die, too. This is what you've wanted to do, right? You…hate me…anyway…I'm sorry, but your friends beat you to it…" I choke out, my voice fading in and out. I hate how my voice is breaking. I hate you seeing me this weak.

"No!" you scream, "That's not true! I couldn't ever kill you! I never could, Grimmjow! You're better than that! I couldn't imagine you dying! And…And now you're…This isn't possible. Not you, not now, not ever. It just cant be!" Your voice is breaking more. Tears are falling like rain. I don't get it. You're too strong to look so broken, Ichigo. I don't like you sad. "I don't hate you, Grimm…" you whisper, picking my head up from the drenched ground and cradling it in your lap.

I shake my head, my eyes trying to drift shut. I keep them open. "…It's happening, Ichigo…I'm dying…" I whisper, bringing my hand up to caress his cheek, "Sorry…Ichigo…I…love you…" I whisper, my voice fading away, I can't feel my body anymore. I can't see.

"N-no…Grimmjow!" I hear you scream. "I love you, too! I always have! I…I…Don't die! Grimm? Grimmjow…!" you sob loudly.

Then everything comes into focus for a second. I feel your lips on mine, and I see you, your eyes closed tightly as you kiss me, I hear your ragged breathing, and for a second I squeeze your hand weakly.

Everything fades to black as lightning flashes.

But, I finally hear it.

I hear the thunder at last as it crashes in the distance, and everything is gone forever.


End file.
